Saturday, November 13, 2010

Toast to the douchebags!

I'm listening to the Kayne West's song runaway, and I'm really feeling this song. Its weird, its like speaking to me. its like all the asshole guys out there are singing this powerful song to me telling me to run away from them cuz they are no good for me.
"runaway from me baby"
the violin is so beautiful in this song but the words are powerful too. Makes me think about my past relationship how I put up with so much and I should've gotten so much in return but I didn't. I honestly don't know if he is the one for me but I know its never gonna work out cuz his feelings aren't strong enough for me. And why would I want to be with someone like that anyway? guess he isn't the one then right? I dont know if I'll find someone even close to how he makes me feel but i know we aren't right for each other. When its right, you just know- everything feels right but this isn't right. something is missing and it ain't me! The song speaks to me about how these assholes aren't good to me. its just so powerfully spoken plus the singer is in pain cuz he doesn't know how to change himself. and the girl just triest to keep working things out and he is like- why can't you just runaway- because I'm not good for you! and I should too- I dont know why I stay and crave something I know isn't working. I need to have a more open mind, when it comes to love. I need to get to know myself more and see me and figure out who I am and who God is before giving myself to another person. I need to think about the consequences and not let the fear of being alone get to me. I need to see why everyone believes I'll find love except for myself. I need to experience freedom by going on adventures and living life to the fullest. More positive and less negative.


please help me with the need to be fullfilled by someone else. All I want is you. Right now I wish so much to be held by a man and I feel this yearning inside to reach out to someone I shouldn't. Please be near me- hold me and help me protect my heart so it isn't given so easily. Please be with me tonight as I sleep. Thank you for being my father- my husband, my savior and king. thank you for seeing the real me and making me the woman you want me to be.

I love you, Amen.

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