Monday, May 23, 2011

Review about NexGrēn

Have you heard about NexGren? It's a unique software that provides green technology solutions to consumers and businesses. It is created by CEO of Comtek (Communication Technologies), Dr. Joseph Fergus. Comtek is the company I work for :)

NexGren's products and services are focused primarily on prevention of identity theft and on ensuring that businesses protect their critical information when disposing of old computers. There products and services provide efficient, low-cost green solutions designed to permanently remove data from PCs, Mac, and laptops, thereby allowing consumers and businesses to donate, recycle, or dispose of unused syst
ems without fear.

I think this is a great product to use. It is a green eco-friendly product, it is efficient, low cost and it is great for businesses. I love the slogan as well, technology solutions for a greener planet.

nexGren plays a large role in the green economy, and it is a strong leader in the security of consumer and business electronic information. Our solution is the only patented software that enables green disposal of stored-data devices while guaranteeing complete deletion of confidential information.
It all started with a product called DiskEraser and its development of additional software technologies to provide our signature innovative and economical solutions to protect consumer and business information.

The best part of nexGren is that it will continue to grow and add to green jobs to America's economy. I highly reccomend nexGren for any business.


nexGrēn, Inc.

Reston Town Center
11921 Freedom Drive, Suite 550
Reston, Virginia 20190
Phone: 703-787-0005

Friday, April 1, 2011

I have a love/hate relationship with myself. Today I love myself.
I love that I can forgive just about anyone, especially my father.
I love that I can move on (for the most part) from my past and look forward to the future.
I love that I feel like I can do it all and without the help of anyone.
I love the feeling that I can push myself to see my goals become reality.
I love that I can feel different and special- even if I know, no one else notices me.
I love how I can make myself happy just by hearing God's voice, a beautiful song, or be moved by something I see on television.
I love how I care about people to the utmost part of my being- even if they mistreat me.
I love that I am different because I want to change and never be the same.
I love that I love adventure.
I love that I don't settle when it comes to men.
I love that I love to read and I seek knowledge through reading. I love that I find more about myself through the art of reading.
I love it when i work out because I feel beautiful.
I love that I can appreciate the little things each day.
I love that I love my family and I can accept most friends as family.
I love that even though I have a fight with them, I can always tell them (even if I'm mad) that I love them.
I love that I try to learn everything.
I love that I love to be better, inside and out.
I love how I love.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


me & my French book. Getting my homework on. LMAO jk!

I have good news people! I wanted to surprise you.... I'm now 138 pounds! yay! In a week and a half I've lost 5 pounds and counting. I'm very proud of myself.

To answer you Elmer from your comment on my last post, (and anyone else that knows that starving yourself isn't the way to lose weight), I do eat a lot less calories but I get plenty of nutrients so my body doesn't think its starving. That way it will eat the fat away! I drink Shakeology twice a day, and still eat 6 small meals a day. It's like I'm hungry, but not lol
For two months I started working out a lot and eating around 1500 calories a day and I gained 3 pounds of muscle. Muscle is good but that is not my goal and I was sick of not seeing any results. That is why I actually work out less now- like two or three times a week and I eat about 1000 to 1200 calories a day and loose about 3 or 4 pounds a week. Its different for everyone! I've been trying things for awhile now and this works for me! I'm very excited and can't wait to continue and see what happens.

I tried on some bikinis today when I went shopping for a little bit and I look ok. I def need to lose about 20 more pounds until I can squeeze my big boobs into a bikini top!! But I see myself getting there!

Me playing around on my new mac!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Update part deux!

I find that when I post on my blog it's usually because I'm sitting at the front desk of my job- answering phones lol I can't seem to find any other time to write in this blog! Maybe being a receptionist makes you think and ponder, which, in turn, makes you wanna write!

I got on the scale today and lost half of a pound. I was like, seriously ? that's it? But whatever. My body is really stubborn. If I was just an average person I would think I was pregnant, but NO... I'm def. not preggers. So I have no idea what is making me keep this weight on. I can HONESTLY say, without lying to myself, that I've done perfectly on diet. The ONLY thing I can think of is maybe the salad dressing for dinner I've had, but I still counted the calories.

This GMU video essay thing is a bitch. I'm not good at video stuff and I tried to record myself last night and not only did I look horrible but the background (aka my room) was not a good scene and I seemed to be sitting too far away from the camera... etc etc. This whole thing is annoying. I'm trying to hurry up and finish this thing but It's really hard and takes up a lot of time. I was up till one last night playing with the video because I've never done this stuff before. The only good thing that came out of the video is how sincere I was. I really want to go to mason and I know I belong there. I know I'm suppose to be there- and that is the whole point of why I'm doing the optional video anyway. I've already made the slideshow so I just need to make the actual video better, maybe put on some makeup, and find a better place and then put it together with my powerpoint slides, music and some effects. Sounds easy but it's not! I still need to edit my essay too... stupid essay. My essay is dumb too because I have to answer the question about volunteer work and I'm like, all I do is school, homework, work, workout.. etc. who has time for volunteer work when you're trying to better your life and make a future for yourself? All I have is stuff I've done at church and little things right after high school so that's why that essay is just ok to me.

me and my loss of a half of a pound is going back to work now!

Last day on this detox thing!

p.s. I wish I could do this for myself for valentine's day

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


It is day 2 and I've done great... no, not great, fantastic!!

I had two shakes, two snacks and a great dinner. I felt really weird yesterday though, which didn't help me while I was studying, but ya know, I did my best. I took my first bio 102 test today and I hope I get an A but I'm sure I got a B on it! It wasn't hard at all.. I studied all day yesterday with ease!

So for the first time today, in a very VERY long time... everything is going right.

I'm doing great on this detox thing, I'm not hungry today, I feel so lite lol and I feel great. I think when your body craves junk food it is because you are missing a nutrient or mineral that you body can not naturally produce- but yesterday and today I feel really good. I feel like my body is thanking me. I haven't lost anything, but this still feels right, I dont feel like I'm doing anything wrong so I'm gonna keep going!

I also got a bonus today at my job! So I'm very happy today!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I've been lying to myself. I've been working hard for the past two months, no doubt about that but have I been doing 100% of what I'm suppose to be doing? no.
good question.
schedule changes, stress, enjoyment of food, comfort.... etc.

the list goes on. but what I realized is I'm doing this for myself. I need to do this for myself to prove that I can be whatever I put my mind to. Yeah, Its hard, but I'm strong enough, I can lose the weight, I can do this.
I just keep telling myself: food is fuel, food is fuel and nothing more.

The more I plan my schedule, the more I can make free time to do the things I love that way I don't turn to food for comfort. I've been reading more about losing weight, I've been motivated, and I'm serious about it. I need to do this for my health and my mind. What will I tell my future children about food when I get older? That its ok to be unhealthy and cheat? That using food as comfort is ok as long as you workout hard six days a week? No. This has got to stop.

The next three days I'm going to do a shakeology detox. I had a cheat day on monday, (which is normally one meal that day where I eat more calories, but not unhealthy food. I weight 143 pounds as of today. I want to be 140 by the end of the week. Not a bad goal if u ask me! 139 would be the cherry on top of the whole sundae!

I'm excited, already had a filling shake this morning, and I'm about to study and start my day working!

I'm very excited and I'm really focused. I know, I know, how long will this last? That is always in the back of my head, but if I start seeing results, I'll know I keep it up. If I start to feel amazing, I'll keep going and keep it up.
and I know I'll see results!

wish me good luck, especially for the next three days!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I have taken the initiative to better log my food and calories, how much water I drink, and how much weight I loose or gain :( no gaining please!!!! I'm sick and tired of wondering what I'm doing wrong when it comes to eating so I'm going to log everything down- see what the patterns are and go from there!

You can see here that on the left I have the weight loss log where I write my weight everday (and yes I mean everyday) because I need that scale to know I mean business! I'm serious about this and I know it will help me a lot to constantly be aware about how much I weigh everyday. On the bottom left I have a sample meal plan just in case I get lost and forget that there are others out there like me who are doing the same thing and I should keep pushing through! Sometimes it does feel like I'm the ONLY person trying to be healthy so its a good reminder. The right side is the food diary where I log how much water I've taken in, how many calories and whether or not I've had a faboulous, ok, good, or great day! I really like how organized I am! It also asks me about my workout and if it's light, moderate or heavy.

Oh... the soda days. I miss soda- but I have to tell myself... do I love cancer or soda more? Apparently soda causes cancer and that is a fear of mine: dying too young.

So with all my power and might- I'm staying away from soda.

damn... I wish I had a soda right now!

but I gotta keep away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is me and my best friend Tawnya :) Isn't she beautiful???? I'm holding her belly because she is carrying my first God child, Kayde. I'm so excited and last Saturday was her baby shower. Elmer got to come along and it was really fun! You can see more pictures on facebook!
11 weeks left!

This is my me & my Dad. We met for the first time two years ago. I went to go visit him the day after Christmas for a week and I learned so much about the other side of the family. All n'all I had a great time. I learned a lot about my dad and found out what kind of person he is- which is great because it helps you find out what kind of person I am.
Getting to know my dad has it's hard times- especially because he smokes, and I can't stand smoking. I mean, you're talking to a woman who is trying to be healthy at all times, no matter what and I just can't take smoke. Especially if you don't wash your hands after smoking and it cuts into the middle of dinner because you're so addicted you just have to smoke. Me, personally, I would NEVER date someone who smokes. I don't care if you are the hottest guy ever, I would never kiss you. I hate smoking that much. So you can see the dilemma that I'm trying to get close to my dad (hug him, talk to him) but his constant smoking is getting in the way.
I'm not saying he has to quit, I just wish his lifestyle didn't revolve around it only because it is very hard to get close to him.
Like I said though- I had a great trip, I LOVE my new family members, I wish I could spend more time with them, I really do.
I know we all have problems with our parents- but because so much time has wasted with my dad and not knowing him or my other family members, I don't want anything to get in the way.
any thoughts?
I'm at a place right now that I don't want to be at: work. But, it's what I gotta do. At least it lets me to view other people's blogs and get a chance to comment on theres...

I found this amazing weightloss blog... check it out!

It's great because it gives you lots of practical tools and information even for someone like myself who knows a lot about weightloss but needs a re-fresher course on things to get your mind in perspective!

I would def. like to say that these two women should be prayed for and maybe post a kind word or maybe more on there blogs....



These two women are going through hard times at the moment and need prayer- also there loved ones need prayer as well. Both blogs are beautifully written.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Love Letters

My meeting with my counselor yesterday was awesome! I actually got to feel God and I broke a family curse and some soul ties that I've had with people who have lead me away from God. I actually got to feel God again and I learned a lot about myself. I learned for sure I was isolating myself from people because I don't want to get hurt again. I was afraid of rejection. So i'm going to do more things, meet new people, and hopefully make some new friends!

I was reading some love letters from famous writers and I thought they were so beautiful I wanted to repost them- Its poetry and it's beautiful the way these men express themselves back in the day how much they love their love! Paris, December


"I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil. Sweet, incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart! Are you angry? Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried?... My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for you lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives!
You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours.
Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire."

Famous love letter by Gustave Flaubert
August 15, 1846

"I will cover you with love when next I see you, with caresses, with ecstasy. I want to gorge yu with all the joys of the flesh, so that you faint and die. I want you to be amazed by me, and to confess to
yourself that you had never even dreamed of such transports... When you are old, I want you to recall those few hours, I want your dry bones to quiver with joy when you think of them."

Thursday, January 13, 2011

How to be more happy :)

I just read a great article about achieving happiness. It shares that true happiness is inside yourself and can not be filfilled by people, children and things. I know this in my mind and heart- but sometimes I still think that if I had these things, I would be happy. I know this is not the case, but I think through God, meditation, and helping others, I will be filfilled on the inside. I have figuered out a little bit more through this article and the other one listed below that I need to spend more time with God.

Happiness is your mind- your heart and your inner thinking.

The things I need to work on inside myself are how I view myself- I want my self esteem back! I need to know that I'm worthy. I need to get to know myself better and why I tick so I can prepare myself to have better relationships with people.

Is it possible to be happy & sad at the same time?

I just read a bunch of other people's blogs today and they def. inspired me to write about how I was feeling on a bunch of topics.
I've been emotionally eating lately and I hate it! It doesn't make me feel better but it's like saying to myself, "well I already feel like crap, might as well eat this and myself feel even worse because I deserve it and I should be happy" The last couple of days, I don't want to work, I want to do something that will make me happy or at least get these blues out of my system and cry it out! SOMETHING!!! lol I'm so thankful and grateful for the things I have and at the same time I'm crying on the inside saying, "don't I derserve better than this?"
I just joined FoodForThought class at my church. It's a class on Sunday afternoons that explores food and emotions in a deeper way relating to what God says in the bible about this. "Food for Thought will help uncover the truths about your relationship with food. This class will guide you through the process of identifying unhealthy mindsets and exchanging them for truth- change from the inside out!" - www.lfmi.org
So I'm excited to take this class and today I've scheduled an appointment with a church counselor because I feel myself slipping into being sad and sorry for myself and I can't stand it. I've only been down for about 4 or 5 days but that is 4 or 5 too many! If i'm down for a day I think that's normal but more than that and it starts to ruin my life. I can't sleep, or I feel more tired, I dont' want to work, or i want to keep working to keep myself busy, I cry too often.. etc, etc. But this time I just feel sad about the things I don't have. I don't have friends, I don't have a man that supports me and gives me love, and I'm just stressed. I read an article on Oprah.com that talks about if soulmates are real and true lovers have the perfect relationship and I love this article because its reality for me that those things are not real. That true love isn't for everyone. Honestly I don't feel deserving or worthy enough of it and yet sometimes I think I am. The writer of the article is a therapist and she makes a great point when she says,
"When you want someone who an anticipate your thoughts and desires, you're really looking for an idealized parent-usually a combination of Mommy and Daddy wrapped into one. For years, I was looking for men who would think I was charming and make me feel safe- like Daddy's best girl, the craving for that kind of attention is rampant. I see women all the time who say they're looking for romantic relationships, but I believe they're really looking to be parented. We all want to feel special and dear, with our foibles bathed in the loving glow of a doting father and at the same time we want Daddy's strong arms, we also want a mother's sweetness and tenderness. and when the romance goes south, you end up feeling like a child who's been abandoned and is lost."

This really hit home for me and I want to learn more about this stuff so I can become a better person on my own. I really want God to be the center of everything and then I feel like no matter what happens, I'll be ok. When I don't put him in the center and I put myself in the center, I feel lost, abandoned, and I feel like crap basically. I want to overeat because I don't feel happiness, I don't feel God or love or the caring from other human beings. Most people are worried about money, jobs, and where to live- I'm worried about relationships and when I'll ever have long lasting ones. Relationships feed my soul and when they don't I turn to other things that I think will feed me but they seem to do the opposite and they kill my spirit and leave me alone, broken hearted, and miserable. I want to stop regretting the past and just move on. I want to stop wishing for things and actually live a life full with God as number 1. Only then will I be happy. I just have to get there and I think counseling today will help me with that!

I can't wait to get closer to God because I know no matter what happens, he is my only shot at happiness. I've been so happy before just with me and him and I want that again- desperately.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

What am I doing?

I've messed up. again.

This past week I've been upset because I just can not seem to find a medium anymore. I've been happy, well, content I mean, but this past week I've felt alone, abandoned, and worthless. These are my deepest roots people, these are the things I struggle with everyday and probably will for my whole life- why? All because I didn't have a father? yes and no. I've always had money and support- I was taught to be independent, but I never had someone growing up that I was emotionally attached to. I've had two close people in my whole life that I really felt attached too and I've lost them both. My Will and my Dawson so to speak. The gay best friend and guy who I thought was my soul mate.
I've turned to God. Only because I can't turn to anyone else and because I know that out of everyone, he can only give me the joy that I so desperately desire. The only problem I have is that I can't get this joy and I have no idea why. I used to have it- all the time. I was confident, I knew who I was in God, and now its the opposite and I have no idea how to get myself back at that point. I wish it was easy. I'm not saying its God, but I have no idea what I need to change or do that would help me get back to that point. Well... maybe thats not true because I should be going to church. Surround myself with people who go to church. They just seem so fake sometimes- like there life is so perfect- and sometimes it is, but not all the time! I just dont know how to fit in at church sometimes- I feel so lost.
I have this whole list of things that I've always wanted to do- and I've always been the type of person that says, "no matter what, I'm going to do it!" but lately, I've forgotten about that list and I keep asking myself, "am I really that different from everyone else?" I want to be, I want to be happy alone- I know there is no such thing as forever and I'm tired of losing people so I give up at trying to find lasting friendships and a wonderful marriage. yes, I give up? why? because what's the point of believing in something or someone when you know that nothing will last?
Sometimes this pain is too much. I know I'm going to be alone God, I just know it because sometimes I seek people to fill me instead of seeking you- but now I've been seeking you and where are you? How come I dont feel you like I used to? I know you're listening.

well I should def. go back to church and seek counseling because maybe I have unresolved issues that are blocking me from God that I just dont know about yet.

I know God made me for a purpose and I know I'm different- even though sometimes I don't represent that all the time but on the inside, I'm special. I just want the world to see that, I want that special someone to see that. I've been waiting and standing here for SOMEONE to notice me- but I go un-noticed. These are my deepest demons.

I'm tired of feeling alone, abandoned, and worthless.